Cast of Characters
Mr. Rooney: Older Man/Late Sixties.
__________ (Still Vital, Stern.)
Carl Page: Young Man/Mid-Twenties.
__________ (Cocky Swagger, overconfident.)
Ms. Perchance: Secretary.
_____________ (Off stage/voiceover Intercom.)
Scene
_______
Executive Manager’s Office, KITTY KRISPER Manufacturing.
Time
________
The Present.
I-1-1
Act I
________
Scene 1
________
Setting: We are in a well kept, long-term use,
office space. A space filled with; file
cabinets, Book cases (slightly
overflowing), shelves with miscellaneous
bric-a-brac and photos.
The wall center stage features dozens of
awards and certificates that surround a
good sized advertising logo sign for
Kitty Krisper Cat Feed.
Office door, stage/left
Window featuring; view of factory smoke
stacks, stage/right.
Center to right is, the office desk, and
chair. The desk is functionally
cluttered. Phone, desktop computer, etc.
Center to left, two straight backed
chairs facing the desk.
At Rise: Mr. Rooney is seated at his desk, reading
an open file and lightly drumming his
fingers on the desk top.
Mr. Rooney
(Pushes button on phone/intercom, leans slightly
forward.)
Ms.Perchance, would you let Mr. Page know that I’ll see him now?
Ms. Perchance
(Off)
I’ll send him right in sir.
(Carl Page enters through, and closes, stage/left
door.)
I-1-2
Mr. Rooney
Come on in and have a seat, Mr. Page. I've been led to understand you have an urgent matter you wish to see me about.
Carl Page
(Approaches desk, but stops short of the offered
chair.)
That’s right. I’m sure you’ll agree, it’s quite disturbing.
Mr. Rooney
(Waves a dismissive hand towards the chairs.)
Nonsense, I’m sure it’s nothing we can’t take care off. Please be seated.
(Carl sits down lazily in the stage/side chair.)
I’m always happy to meet with eager new employees.
Carl Page
(Spoken with a smirky attitude,)
I’m hardly new. I’ve been working here for almost a year.
Mr. Rooney
(Looks at Carl without comment for a moment shaking
his head in unamused reproach.)
Mr.Page, I have employees that have been working in this factory for over forty years. Forty years mind you. Give me another five years, and I might consider you as a full-time, regular.
Carl Page
(Maintaining snarky attitude.)
Whatever Man.
(Carl flips a hand through the air and slumps down
slovenly in the chair.)
Listen, you've got trouble coming your way. I’m just hear to let you know that the shit those guys downstairs are pulling, ain't gonna fly no-more - no more.
Mr. Rooney
(Sets back in chair calmly and steeples fingers over
his chest.)
Is that right? And what pray tell “shit” is being pulled that fails to meet with “your” approval, in “my” factory?
I-1-3
Carl Page
(Pulls phone from pants pocket and waves it towards
Mr. Rooney.)
The documented kind. The, “shut this shit-hole down,” kind.
Mr. Rooney
Is that right?
(Rooney, drops his hands to the open file on the desk
and moves in to sort through the top pages.)
Ahh, here it is. I see you are on the Cannery and labeling lines. Don't tell me someone is putting the labels on up-side-down? Or maybe they're drawing mustaches on mr. Boot’s photo.
Carl Page
(Slips phone back in pocket.)
I was walking around on my morning break, and happened upon an area in processing called, Area 3. Does that ring a bell? What I saw down there made me sick, and I'm sure there will be a lot of interest in the photos I took. I’m looking at a hell of a pay-day.
Mr. Rooney
(Leans forward and pushes intercom.)
Ms.Perchance, is that video Feed available yet?
Ms. Perchance
(Off.)
It’s set up under mr. Pages e-file sir. Just scroll down to the folder labeled; unauthorized access.
Mr. Rooney
Thank you ms. Perchance.
(Taps a few keys on desktop keyboard.)
Ah… here it is, and there you are. Why I see you've managed to wander all the way to the sub-processing halls. That’s a good feat considering that there are three security doors that require clearance cards to access those areas.
(Rooney looks across the desk at Page.
Carl shrugs in response.)
It’s even more amusing to see that you are standing directly under an, Authorized Personnel Only, sign. Oh look, here comes Tad Bentley, heading for the break room no doubt. And what is this? Why it looks to me that you deliberately waited until he
I-1-4
(Mr. Rooney continued.)
passed so that you could catch the door before it closed and then snuck inside. Good thing the security camera systems are motion activated isn't it?
(Carl shifts uncomfortably in his seat.)
Ah, there you are again. Why it seems that you are sneaking between the columns and machinery. Could it be that you knew you were in an area you shouldn’t have been? Very interesting indeed.
Carl Page
That doesn't change a thing. The photos will speak for themselves.
Mr. Rooney
Is that right? Let's just see what else you got up to, shall we?
Oh, you made it to the processing area, still slinking about the shadows as it were, and there is old, Dave Walton, processing carcasses for the grinder. And there you are with your little camera phone out.
(Rooney turns his attention from the computer
screen, back to Carl Page.)
I hope this isn't the all important, damaging revelation you came to discuss. You do realize that processing the carcasses of dead animals in the making of our product is what we do here, right?
Carl Page
That isn't chicken or a hunk of beef.
(Carl becomes more animated , sets up in chair
and waves arms while defending his position.)
Those are SQUIRRELS! And I also have pictures of at least a dozen dead rabbits hanging up over a drain sink down in that hell-hole.
Mr. Rooney
I'm still waiting for this great bombshell that you think you have. Surely a few illegally obtained pictures taken by an unauthorized man, in a restricted area isn’t all you have.
I-1-5
Carl Page
(Carl stands and leans toward the desk.)
Are you freaking kidding me man? You think you can get away with using road-kill as ingredients in your cat food? You're sick man, that's just disgusting.
Mr. Rooney
(Speaks first line sternly, Pauses, then collects
himself into a calm, almost amused manner.)
SIT DOWN MR. PAGE!
(Carl reluctantly returns to his seat.)
I still don’t understand your problem Carl, May I call you Carl?
(Rooney continues without waiting for a response.)
Mr. Walton was wearing his hairnet, as well as his F.D.A.
approved, sanitary service gloves and safety glasses. He seems to be in full compliance with all the health department, as well as O.S.H.A regulations to his position. Further more, all of the animals processed in Area 3, are by far fresher than the beef, chicken, and horse that we are shipped via our suppliers. It is hardly, as you so rudely put it, road-kill. Oh, and just for the record, all of our participating employees are licensed distributors.
Carl Page
(Said in a shocked tone,)
Horse? Do you have no bounds? You can’t just dump any old kind of meat you want into your damned cat food and get away with it. There has to be inspections and testing and..
Mr. Rooney
OH my good sir. Not just horse, which, by the way, is actually inspected by the F.D.A. and approved for use in pet feeds, we use deer, mole, muskrat, turkey, crow.. why Garret Springer brought in three, three mind you, beavers last week.
(Rooney Sets back and resettles himself comfortably.)
If you were a member of our processing facilities team, you would know that we pride ourself in the fact that our dedicated
I-1-6
(Rooney continued)
employees can earn extra money by bringing in fresh mammals of many varieties for use in our, “secret ingredients” clause, that
has been on record with all the applicable authorities for over forty years.
Carl Page
This is insane! Don’t you have any remorse for what you are doing? Not to mention the legality of this sick, twisted operation.
Mr. Rooney
Again, I'm not quite sure what your problem is. If our fuzzy little meal-tickets were out in the wild, feral and free, which do you think they would be hunting; Cows or squirrels?
Take a look at that wall.
(Rooney points toward audience - third wall.)
What do you see there young man? I’ll tell you what I see; Commendations, acclaims, certifications. Praise from the Health Department, Awards from the F.D.A. for outstanding production. Not to mention community service awards from seven, that’s seven, Governors of this great state.
I see over forty years of five-star ratings from the Chamber of Commerce and our current operating licensing.
And you come to me with inadmissible, erroneous photos that don’t quite fit your ideal of what a pet food canning operation should be based on, with what? Your extensive, seven month career as a labeler?
(Rooney leans back towards the desk and asks
in a dry, frank manner,)
What exactly was it that you hoped to accomplish here today Carl? Besides losing your job, that is?
Carl Page
You think you can fire me for this? Man that’s rich.
(Carl stands again, waving his arms as he speaks.)
Why if you try, I'll sue you for every cent you have!
I’ll sue you under the, whistle Blowers protection act, after I’m through with you, you'll be..
(Rooney Slams a fist to his desktop angrily, then
delivers his next line,)
I-1-7
Mr.Rooney
Young man, sit down this instant!
(Once again Carl returns to his seat.
Rooney continues after Carl is seated,
turning to the file on his desk and leafing
through the pages as he speaks.)
This file Carl, if you haven't guessed, is yours. Let's see what we have.
(Rooney pulls a page and turns it on the
desk so that Carl can see it, and continues
in this fashion as he delivers each additional
point.)
Ah, first off.. Here is a signed copy of our, restricted area access policy. Do you recognize your signature at the bottom?
Oh, and here is a copy of our internal employees restrictions policy. Number nine states clearly that, the use of cameras, without prior authorization, is prohibited. Also of note is number twelve, that states, no form or ingredient of products manufactured in the, Kitty Krisper Feeds, processing plant may be divulge in part or entirety by current and/or former employees. Violators will be prosecute to the fullest extent the law will allow.
I believe the signature at the bottom is yours as well, is it not?
Carl Page
You wont get away with this. I'll go viral with my photos. You can’t very well prosecute me from prison.
Mr. Rooney
(Rooney laughs heartily before reaching
into the folder for another of the documents.)
Well say now, what do we have here? Do you recognize this form?
It is a standard agreement from you to allow us to do a pre-employment background check. And here, in this file are the results.
(Rooney turns a few more pages while Carl
begins to squirm in his seat uncomfortably.)
I see your last three jobs were all less than a year in duration, and each in a different State no less.
Oh, and look here. You have filed two other law suits against former employers, both dismissed for lack of evidence.
I-1-8
Carl Page
Well I’ve got evidence now, don't I?
Mr. Rooney
(Continues, ignoring carl’s interruption.)
I see you were raised in an orphanage, so tragic. Oh, and I see I also have a copy of your arrest records, datelines from..
Carl Page
(Once again Carl leaps to his feet and addresses
Rooney in a high pitched, unbelieving manner.)
There’s no way you could have got those legally. Those files were sealed when I.. when I..
Mr. Rooney
When you changed your name?
(Carl stares at Rooney in confused anger.)
Yes, yes. I have it all right here. Now, I’ll say this for the last time, Mister “Chapman.” Take Your Seat, and do not rise again until our business here is concluded.
(Rooney shuffles through the pages.)
Petty theft, and another. Oh, here’s a charge of attempted extortion and another for rape.
(Rooney looks up shaking his head and gives
a, tisk-tisk sound before continuing,)
And here is my least favorite. I see you are a convicted child molester. I’m not even sure how you got this, or any other job. You were right, this is very disturbing indeed.
Carl “Chapman” Page
It’s not what it sounds like. She was my girlfriend, and I wasn’t that much older than..
Mr.Rooney
You were twenty-two and she was fifteen. That’s a difference of seven years.
(Rooney sets forward and rests his arms over
the file.)
I would think that, that is quite a significant difference, especially at that age. And you say I’m the one who should be ashamed of my actions? You young man, you are deplorable.
I-1-9
(Rooney continued.)
I’m so glad that I have the pleasure of terminating your employment here, personally.
Carl “Chapman” Page
(Carl jumps to his feet for the last time.)
That’s it old man! I’m taking myself, and my photos to the authorities, and we'll just see who has the last word!
(Mr. Rooney reaches calmly into a desk drawer and
swiftly removes a small caliber hand gun with a
silencer attachment and pulls the trigger, aimed
point-blank at Carl’s chest.
Carl slaps chest, and in doing so splatters the blood
packet (provided by the props department.)
Carl smears the blood over his shirt as he sinks
quietly to the floor, all the while staring in
disbelief in Rooney’s direction.
Once on the floor, Carl is dead-still.)
Mr. Rooney
I guess our business is officially concluded, Mr. Chapman.
(Rooney reaches for the intercom.)
Ms. Perchance, would you please contact, Mr. Walton in processing area three, and inform him that I have some “over-time” work available. Oh, And tell him to bring a large transfer cart from receiving as well.
Ms. Perchance
(Off.)
Will that be all sir?
Mr. Rooney
(Leans in closer to the intercom.)
Also contact Maintenance, and have them on stand-by please. It seems that one of our new “meat contributors” has spilled his sample on my office floor. Oh, and write up a note for Mr. Page’s file. His service has been permanently terminated.
Drop lights/Curtain.
______________________
8/19/2017
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